I sat there, alone in the crowded classroom. There was so much noise around, but it all seemed like a distant buzz to my ears. There was so much movement around me, so many people preparing for presentations. Some rehearsing their speeches, others setting up the projector, the rest chattering amongst themselves. But they all appeared like blurred dots to me. I had taken off my specks and laid my head down on the bench. No one bothered me. ‘The presentation is about to begin.’ A clear voice rang through my ears. I upped my head by barely an inch above the desk to look who spoke. It was the teacher announcing the commencement of the next presentation. I stared at the blurred outline of an old cupboard lying in our classroom. There was movement around. But it dint bother me. I kept staring like an idiot. It took me a while before I could register some vivid movement out there. Near the cupboard I mean. Someone was franctically waving out to me. My pupils contracted as I carefully looked in that direction. It was this classmate of mine whom I must’ve not even exchanged 10 words ever since I stepped into college. I looked up a bit and unsurely pointed out a finger to myself to indicate ‘who me?’. He nodded with a charming smile on his face. He continued to wave until I waved back with a faint trace of smile on my face. Why he did that, I had no clue. But I could guess he spotted silence in the commotion. A while later he came to me and said, ‘hey, will you be there to see my play tomorrow?’ ‘Me?’ I asked again, stupidly. ‘Yes, you.’ He replied calmly. ‘Umm.. ok. Sure.’ I replied, still, stupidly. ‘Tomorrow. Be there to see it. Ok?’ he said and left me aghast. I went back home, admittedly, smiling. Even though I dint know what had happened, I surely recognized the effort to make me feel wanted and to make me feel good. To my pleasant surprise, it wasn’t the end of it all..  

 

I went home and as a habit and a ritual, I signed into MSN messenger. All the nocturnal creatures like me were online. Yes, he was online too. He never spoke to me online either. Never ever since my last two years in college. I just looked at his name out there and smiled. ‘Hi, how are you?’ came a pop-up of a chat window.. And to my pleasant surprise, it was him! ‘Hi! I’m good.’ I replied. ‘But you don’t look so good in college. I have been observing you. You have been very quiet and down lately. What has happened?’ he asked, much to my surprise.. ‘Uhh.. well, a lot is down lately.’ I admitted. ‘If you want, you can tell me. I promise you I wont tell this to anyone. I can be an outlet to your problems. Talk it out.’ He offered instantly. Ok, here was this guy who dint even speak a few sentences with me ever, and yet, and simply yet he had sensed so much that was going around. There are times when you let your heart take over the rationale. By logic I shouldn’t have given a damn to his offer and should have politely refused. But my heart told me he was god sent. He was the outlet I was looking for. An unknown person who’d listen to me, understand me and yet, stay away from me. Without a second of hesitation, I poured out my heart to him. He heard me out patiently. And even gave me some great advice which I remember till date. That night I shed tremendous burden from my mind. It brought back a smile on my face. We never bothered to talk much after that incident.. occasionally when things went low, he did ask. But never much otherwise. But one glance at him and I knew there was someone who cared. Who wanted to be there when I was alone. You mustve come across such people.. They’re special. Extremely special..

The father handed out a torn blanket to the old man and said, 'Sleep outside in the balcony, there's no place at home.' He said this and turned around. His 10 year old son was standing holding another torn blanket in his hands. 'Why this blanket?' the father fumed. 'It's for you' replied the son. 'Me?' 'yes, because when you will grow as old as grandpa, I will give you this blanket when I also throw you out of this house.' he concluded innocently. The father was aghast. The grandpa dint know whether to be shocked or relieved. And tears swarmed my eyes. Within a few seconds, it turned into a stream flowing out of my reddened eyes. My parents, grandparents, all turned to look at me. They stared at me and got confused. What had happened? Just a few seconds ago all of us are watching this serial on television and now this girl is howling! 'Did she hit you beta?' asked mom pointing a finger at my innocent looking little sister who was barely 3-4 yrs old then. My sister saw all the fingers being pointed at her and turned her innocently surprised gaze towards me, questioningly. I was in a half a mind to attribute my crying to a non-existent 'hit' by my sister. But instead I chose to keep quiet and continued crying. My eyes repeatedly darted to the television. My granma noticed this and added up the situation. 'She's realized what that story we just saw, meant. She's crying for that old man' she said and smiled. My mom looked at me and smiled. But they dint pester me much about it and I stopped crying. But that was my first encounter with old age abuse. And it was so freaking touching that it reduced me to tears at that tender age of 7. I found this story as an answer to why does this topic pester my mind all the time.  

 

I was just reading a few writeups on the mental state of the people in old-age homes. Parents living in bunglows, parents living for their children entire lives, been thrown out of their homes.. Parents been thrown out just coz they cant cope up with their old age? an elderly was thrown out just because she asked for a box of sweets!!! And Imagine their trauma.. of not having met their children for years together.. left alone to deal with their withering body, and barren funds! When I see all of this around me, I feel I am so blessed to have such great values instilled into me.. for us our elderly are the ultimate authority. We seek their blessings before every work we do and we seek their advice for every move we make.. I just wish people start realizing the value of parents, of the elderly. They are like this huge baniyan tree that gives shade, that roots us firmly to the ground.. the moment it witheres, the moment it dies, the heat, the harsh winds and rains are bound to erode your lives

Today was a grim day. In addition to the recent tragedy faced by Mumbai, today was the first death anniversary of granpa. Well, really, not BBC news material, but on a personal front, it meant quite a lot. Till date we always gathered at Grandma's death anniversary to sing some prayers and bhajans in her rememberance and also so that grandpa would feel good that we havent forgotten her as he thought we would have. Every time during these sessions, granpa would make 'farmayish' of his favourite bhajans and songs and we would oblidge. He felt thrilled and had created a special set of xeroxed songs to be distributed amongst all of us. It was so ironical and sad that it was from those very sets that today we were singing those bhajans for the death anniversary of my granpa himself. He was terribly missed. Missed like hell.

 

I thought may be, no amount of words would do justice to a noble soul like his. And so i decided to make a small 2 minute movie for his dedication. the background score was as cheesy as it could get. It was the song 'yaadein' from the movie 'yaadien'. I quickly selected a few snaps and a couple of video clips of granpa for the 2 minute essemble. In a giffy, at night 2 i created this small and simple video. Little did i know so big would be its impact. In the evening, once all the bhajans and songs were over, I gathered all the family members in one side of the room and played the video on my television. The reaction. The entire lot of 20 people were in tears. Some of them, uncontrollable, the rest, mildly crying. I was aghast. They're voices choked as they congratulated me for this extraordinary piece of work (or so they say). They wanted to see it once more. I played it once more. And the tears flowed once more. I was really surprised to see this kind of reaction, but well, it was my aim, and hence i was happy. I was happy that they all cried in the memory of granpa. Nothing can be fitting than this, although im sure if he'd be watching from the heavens he'd say 'arreey! shit! they're actually crying for me! oh no! drashti! what did you do? why are they crying for me? im with them, always.' and then perhaps i felt him smile and whisper' thanks drashtiben'.

 

 

 

She worshipped her friends. She always made her adjustments for them. Anyone who showed her sightest courtesy was enrolled in her hall of fame and received unbounded care and love. People liked her very easily. No she wasnt attractive. But she radiated a warmth that no one could ignore. But yes, while her friends were a breath of life for her, she wasnt the same for them. She was an angelic child. She was the 'cute' friend. Or so she thought.

 

Her hall of fame had its own share of critics. How often people questioned her on her extra show of care and affection. How often people told her it sounded all fake and stupid. How often people questioned if this goodness was genuine! How often they shattered her faith in friendship, including her own best friend who refused to give her friendship a chance.. but she embraced those incidences, took the negative in her stride and tried to learn from the criticisms. But never, even once, her respect and care for her friends, waivered in the process. For her, friendship was unbreakable, unshakable.

 

Inspite of all this, now, gradually, she finds herself alone. Inspite of this fight against the critics and circumstances, she finds her hope in the word 'friendship' diminishing like a dying star. She has friends, but no friends. She has friends, who will hang out whenever she calls, but she doesnt have friends who will call up simply to ask 'how are you?' she has friends who will share their joys and sorrows with her (and she loves it genuinely when they do that), but she doesnt known anyone who will take her stories as anyhting less than a burden. And she also has friends who have made her what she is, who have helped her out in her depression, but now, have gone their own way without giving her a chance to repay. She has reached a stage, where she is the needy. She begs for people to keep in touch, she has to beg to arrange meet-ups. And sometimes, most embarrasingly, she has to write threatening e-mails or smses and shout out their mistakes.. at the expense of hurting them, stupidifying herself and well,, acting silly.

 

She is tired now. And thinks she will quit doing all of this. Coz if everyone's being so distant, all of them can't be faulty. Either its a way of life, or it's just her. Either ways there's no solution. SHe lives, coming to terms with reality.

(as much as you're tempted to guess who the 'she' is, i request you not to jump to any conclusions. It's just a story.. just a blog! Let her be! :) )

 

Tea tastes bitter after eating a sweet biscuit. Night seems darker after a bright sunny day.. the pain seems doubled when you have just experienced happiness.. I believe in god but feel like renouncing the faith in fairy godmothers or guides or best friends and so on.. Precisely for the reasons above. They're just there for you for that crucial part of your life, they then become a crucial part of your life and  then they throw a stone at the mirror in front of you. It cracks and breaks up. You realize, it was just your imagination. They have favoured you and moved on. YOu are supposed to take the favour and move on too! WHAT THE HELL!

 

I dont think ever in my life have i got a fair chance of doing something for the people who have meant the most to me. They have always been my support, my iron pillars, my reason to smile, and then, all of them literally have moved away to greater avenues, forgetting that they have an indebt soul struggling with the burden of their support.

 

Now you'd argue, cmon! they're your friends, and anyone wouldve done that. Then I say, hell, if they were really my friends, why do they do good to my life and go away??? I've misunderstood the concept of friendship so far and therefore my faith in it is a bit false.. i feel. I thought friendship is one permanant bond that has survived the test of change. Solid friendship has been as much about longer time and tide than just mere strength of understanding each other. I thought friendship is where people are missed in good times and remembered in bad times.. but SHIT! i was wrong o wat!

 

My belief in friendships has shaken from its roots. And every passing day it keeps getting worse. People around me are finding time to attend parties, go on picnics, catch up with buddies.. everything but just somehow dont find time to remember a few other insignificant insects. Even today whenever someone tells me 'Drashti, kya tu busy ho gayi hai, you've forgotten me.. blah blah'' i take it as a sign of respect from that person to me and make it a point to revert in the most appropriate manner possible. But i dont think that works with everyone.. many of them still think them being busy with work, home, blah blah is the most valid excuse on earth. And some, better still, let go of the freakin friendship to relieve themselves of the responsibility.

 

'It's reality! Accept it' many tell me. I feel hurt.. if this is reality, go to hell! Being laughed at for trying to keep in touch, being laughed at for meeting up someone whoze been your classmate for 3 yrs (but HE/SHE was never a close friend of yours na? so y are you meeting up?).. yeahhhh!! go on.. laugh.. And then do i have a choice.. i let go. I will be indebt for life.

When things have to go wrong, they will. When you dread of something happening, it will happen. And so it happened with me. One of my close friends and colleagues in the office, about whom i had written my previous blog all of a sudden quit the organization yesterday.. Just wen i was beginning to think, how would this organization survive without him... came this shocking step that paralysed everyone in my office.

 

First of all, let me tell you, ad agencies and for that matter of fact, most media organisations often run on camaradie and great equations with people rather than heirarchies. They are organizations truly run more by people than machines. Which is what makes them so valuable and important. The presence of this friend of mine in the office meant security to most of us. Coz he was the only person who never feared to call a spade a spade. He stood up for the right and discouraged the wrong.. all of this maturity at a young age of 28.. it was awesome to watch him around. The news of his departure stunned us. So much so that those working under him broke down and he himself broke down with them... but that's not all.. he told us all he'll be arnd for 10 days before he leaves. So most of us bought ourselves in terms with this bitter truth and composed ourselves only to be told late in the evening by him that this was his last day and he lied in the morning coz he dint want ppl to sulk!

 

I have been in my organization for just past 2 months.. and yet there was so much attachement with him tht wen he actually left, I felt tears streaming down my eyes. I looked around, and most of us found ourselves crying! it was like we were orphaned... but i guess that's life. sometimes i ask god why does he send such wonderful people in our lives for such a short while!! its so damn unfair!! god bless u friend!

 

 

 

 

 

Ok children. Today we are going to start a new chapter, on page number 21, called 'Wavelength'. Now what the hell is Wavelength? Wavelength is.. gamma.. u dint get it? Wavelength is gamma pa dha re sa.. oh well forget it, im in a weird mood today, so dont mind this irritating start to the blog :)

 

Well, yet another SIMMBBLE question bothering my mind! What is it about the vibes we get from people, what is it about that perfect frequency.. that perfect wavelength that we share with some rare people and get along with them so well.. its astonishing. And I am not talking of just close friends, but even some individuals whom we meet in our day to day lives. It just takes one look to get that perfect wavelength, that feeling of comfort.. Ok, before you think i am talking about love at first sight.. its not even that. I am talking about friendships.. about clicking with people by just looking at the warmth etched on their faces.. have you experienced that bfore? That you just look at the person and can bet your money on the fact that he/she is a charming personality. What bought me on to this topic is my meeting this colleague of mine in office. From the first day itself, when ppl rumbled, grumbled and mumbled about my presence in the office (aur ek nayi ladki), he was t he one who came to me and spoke to me, whatever he could manage. I, in my initial days in a new place, look like a cent percent stubborn freak. So i was surprised at his himmat acutally of coming and asking me stuff.. just to make me feel comfortable. Instantly i felt good about him being around. But i dint open my mouth that much, initially.. as I said, I take my time to gauge the place and people around me. Today, we get along well.. i wouldnt make tall claims like house on fire and all that. But we're pretty much on the same wavelength. We never talk much.. but yet we know whats up.. Just a week after joining office, some incident happened back home that terribly upset me. I think being a completely idiotic exppressionist, my whole office knew something's wrong with me. But again, they were just mumbling, rumbling.. it's only this friend of mine who came to me, heard me out or rather urged me to tspeak to him and made me smile for the day.. and the most astonishing part of it was, i wasnt even surpriused, coz i knew he would come.

 

There have been so many instances of this sort in my life otherwise. that compel me to think.. What is it about wavelengths? about some people just knowing you in and out without knowing you at all.. I know i mightve written about this topic a couple of times before in my blog under different headings :P but then u can imagine how much this question excites me. Ofcourse i dont want to disssect its answers. If i get them, fine, if i dont, i leave it as a pure question.. pure form of friendship.. and i consider myself lucky that i often meet such people who hit off on the same wavelength as me :) thanks god!

So back to observations. Have you ever felt at times, that your genuine attempts for some things go completely unnoticed? At first you are at the centre stage of things. Your performance gets applauded, you are the one everyone wants, untill your competitor arrives. The focus shifts. you're pushed aside, brushed aside and the crowd rushes to cheer for the new arrival. you're biwildered. What to do? What went wrong? Am I not respected anymore? Who the hell is this new entrant? How can ppl shift loyalties with me? Why am I being ignored? How can this happen to me? Wasnt i popular?

 

And suddenly, as you look ahead, you find you're standing right at the back of a cheering crowd, facing the new performer. You give your jealous mind some rest and decide to see this performance objectively. YOu realize, there's some magic. Some magic that you've never had. You begin to see why the crowd changed loyalties, you begin to see why the new talent is so popular. You begin to appreciate leaving aside  your insecurities and threats. And that's when you smile, and realize, its time to do some rethinking, some revamping. You're not supposed to be a coward, a spoilt sport and turn your back towards the reality. At times it so happens that you have to stand at the back of the crowd and applaud.. as long as you appreciate, as long as you learn, nothing can stop you from getting back there again. :) cheers!

Probably one of the worst guilt pangs that will haunt me for the rest of my life. A promise I made, and broke it on account of laziness and numerous other excuses. I still remember that day, I had accompanied mom to a lonely old age home in Panvel. Reason? My photography project. Somehow, I always felt strongly for the elderly and I wanted to capture their pain on my camera. And so we went. We were greeted humbly with a smile by the inmates and the head. Everywhere we went, the camera, a digital one got the most attention, and posing for pics wasnt a problem at all. The old age home meant for the elderly supportd orphans too. The youngest and the eldest gelled together and seamelessly shared their joys and sorrows.. I wondered where does immaturity go at such times? I was taken along with mom in every room, to meet the inmates. IN each room about 5-6 inmates.. and the pain I experienced when i saw them.. it was the vibe, the pain that was reflected from them. Their faces dint leave a trace of the pain.. but their eyes said it all.. Their eyes wer for us.. and only us .Come talk to us.. their eyes pleaded. While my mom did the courtesy of conversatiosn, I took my photographs.. 'I'll send them across to you all' i promised resolving to do it as soon as i get done with my project. Their faces lightened up when they heard I'd  be sending them the pics.. i was glad momentararily they were smiling. Each had a story of their own to tell, as to why they were in the old age home. but they chose to gulp it down in silence, the same way they chose to gulp down all the pain that was inflicted upon them by their own family members..

 

The project went well, and the pictures are close to my heart.. but I forgot to send them the prints.. I realized it after a long long time.. and since then the guilt has been unbeatable. Everytime it flashes on to my mind, I shiver. NOw i dont even know how many of them will be alive to see these pics.. How many will be pained? relieved? What? it was utterly shameful on my part to be so careless.. it's one thing i cldve done for them.. sheesh.. sheesh..

 

I got back home that day after the project (rewind)... I saw my granpa and dad fighting.. and i smiled to myself..they're bickering all the time, they cant do without a fight.. and luckily.. they cant do without each other.. those of us who have joint families are lucky. Its a disturbing reality out there. Really disturbing.

When the IPL started, frankly speaking even i dint think id be one of the crazy fans of the teams in the tournament. But now i have to admit i am a self confessed freak of the matches. they are just captiivating to the core. There is no substitute for those dozens of sixes and boundaries hit every match. There is no substitute to see the camaradie between players of different nations gelling together and playing strategically against each other.

 

Well, i serisouly feel the T20 format is here to stay. No more can i think about bearing watching those 50 over one dayers for a long time. And test matches are surely out of question. I dont see what is wrong with the t20 format tho! i dont understand why the debate over its sustainance. I mean if the normal public appreciates it then so be it. That  is the format one should formally adapt to.  Everything remains the same and just goes shorter. And serisouly i feel its high time cricket went shorter in duration. It has everything packed into those 3 hrs.. not compromising on anything. what else do you need!! I feel Mumbai Indians are doing a good job despite everyone pitting against them. I think somehow they are going to be a surprise package in this tournament. Similar to what the team INdia was in the T20 tournament. and we went on to win the worldcup remember? Well i hope Mumbai Indian's fate turns the same way. And shaun pollock needs to lead. I have seen the agression and focus on his face. And he has the passion to lead the team forward. Hope these ppl give up the indian obsession and do what is best for the team.  Till then i wish Mumbai Indians all the best and hope recovery for their captain

I strive to radiate warmth around me, but somehow my experiences turn me into a cold person. That cold, which freezes my flow of emotions, hardens the blood in my heart, numbs the senses and feelings that stimulated my smile. Its not as if I enjoy the coldness. Its not as if I enjoy the silence. Its not as if I enjoy the chill you experience when you talk to me, when you stand next to me. Its not as if hurting you gives me sarcastic pleasure.

 

I still strive to radiate the warmth around me. I try harder to break thru the thick sheet of ice with the help of the candle of hope that keeps me alive from within. It will take time, but the hate on ice will surely melt.. one day.. the candle of hope will fight with the biting cold experiences of life. The cold winds, hardened feelings, numb brains and frosty voices will all give way to the warm, green, colourful happy autumn of life. Blood will pump energy and love into my heart, emotions will flow once again, unpolluted, uninterrupted, the next time you shiver, you will hold my hands for warmth.. my smile will be your bonfire...  one day.. I will make it happen.

 

 

'Welcome to the real world', thats what my chairman pushpi told me when he saw me getting some work done at 8.30 in the evening. I raised an eyebrow and smiled.  I no less expected the word 'work' to mean anything other than slogging. So I wondered why ppl expected me to get surprised. Anyways about 8 months of home-sitting had virtually made me hungry for work, that now whatever work i get, its easier to digest. It's like im getting something I always wanted. oh well, u might think im a maniac if i say i always wanted work. :P but work does a whole lot of  good in my life. It helps me be absorbed in doing some activity, keeps my brains away from thinking crap, venturing into personal lives etc. I keep to myself, and I am busy. It helps me interact with ppl and make new friends, something I always look forward to. It gives me new challenges, that always wear the mask of impossibility. It allows me to test my patience in these tasks..  if that's real world, its great!

 

Ah well, I know fights, trampling, unfair accusitions, crying and laughing are all gonna be packaged into this real world. And atleast for now I t hink I am prepared for it. I tell you waht, low expectations is the key ;) . oh well, low expectations from others, not yourself btw. helps enormously. I am still waiting to see how bad the real world can get. And m planning to be the unique good element innit. Oh wait, apart from work, ive loads to prove to this world full of judges. I havent forgotten that I love to write even if I may not be doing the same in my job. I have loads of dreams that have to be fulfilled. And I h ope my experience in the real world gives me the maturity and sense to fulfill them sensibly :) but as of now m enjoying work. There's lot of talent arnd me and I as usual feel like a fly too small to be noticed. But then I also believe in myself. So lets c.. everything is left upto me. AS i always keep saying, I am my FATE :)

*Announcement: This is a heavy blog of emotional analysis. Those who say it sucks are advised not to read it with the fear of the author being called insane and crack pot.

haha well its not all that bad also. but i dint wanna start on a 'heavy' note with a quote (hey that rhymes! yeyyy :P) ha so coming to the point, like since past 5 years there's been this stupid question that's bothering me. I dunno if it bothers you all too, but with me, it was this 'mysterious' and 'intelligent' question (intelligent coz even I cldnt find an answer to it since last 5 yrs! :P ) that had to had to be answered!! the question: Why does it happen many a times that we care the world for a person and the person doesnt seem to reciprocate proportionally! why? and here are the conditions that made answering the question difficult:

1. Its not as if that person hates you.

2. Its not as if that person is not reciprocating proportionally intentionally

3. It's not as if the person isnt aware of your valueing him/her.

 

Hmm.. for me to answer the question now was like.. impossible. Then why? So many times it has happened that I have cared for a few people and have gone out of my way to do things for them. There are a few ppl about whom I think day and night. I value their opinions in everything i do.. watever i do has to be told to them, without that my sharing of joy and sorrow is incomplete.  There were a few friends whom i used to worship. There were few whom i used to be addicted to.  And some without whom I couldnt have grown as a person. Oh please. Dont think i was obsessed with them or possessive about them. No. But I valued them beyond my own imagination. Did things for them out of my convinience only coz i respected them so much. No one forced me to do all what i did. but still i did it. and only for them. to show that i am there for them whenever they need. And yet hardly any of them reciprocated.. hardly any of them remembered.. hardly any of them valued.

 

I have found a way out by keeping low expectations. It helps and is too cool. but that doesnt stop the question from prickin my mind like a sharp needle every now and then. What happened? Am I that bad? Or well.. complicated! But today I think I have found, if not the answer, the theory that might help sturcture an answer to my question. (oh well.. theory is an exaggeration :P but abhi ke liye that word will do). The answer lies in understanding a simple fact. I may mean the world to you. Doesnt mean that you too mean the world to me. We often overlook this fact. And ive said that earlier too.. ppl live cocooned lives. They have their own set of close friends for whom they may give up their lives. but beyond that the rest dont matter that much. Basic courtesy, humanity, yes. but not reciprocation and building of new set of friends and all that. We fail to understand this. And we hurt ourselves. I am just an insignificant part of very significant lives. that's how it is :)

 

so then? what do I do? Stop being nice to them? Dont bother abt them? yell t them and make them see what i do? ah well.. i believe none of this shit. So long as my feelings are pure, my intentions are genuine, and my thoughts are clear, I dont need to make myself heard. I will thank them when i feel like thanking, I will remember them when I feel lonely, I will meet them when i  feel i need to see them.. Coz ultimately, its one life we live. lets live it the way WE want :D and that includes not curbing our feelings of gratitude towards others due to lack of 'reciprocation'

 

Was just wondering how sixth sense works. And probably here in terms of friendships. It so often happens that you’re lost, sad, super depressed and someone out of the blue has asked you, ‘are you okay?’ and you wonder for a moment! How?? I tried my best to hide it so I guess my face dint show, I tried my best not to sulk so I guess my behaviour dint show. But then HOW? How did my friend come to know?

 

I’ve been caught up in that question for a number of times. Ok, face to face may be one can make out by the vibes you give out whether you are fine or not. But when it happens online, it’s all the more astonishing! My close friend has this knack. At times, even before I say a hello, he’s asked me, ‘what’s wrong with you? You’re not fine’ and I stare at the screen for a few surprised moments before I can actually reply. How the hell did he know? I guess some people know you just too well or have some super power sixth sense? What is it? While some do have sixth sense, some are awesome observers! I had a really bad phase in personal life during college. And a friend with whom I dint even converse like 2 words a day noticed it. And it’s he who came to my rescue and to whom I could pour my heart out completely unabashed. It was this brief phase of friendship which was so short-lived but yet cent percent pure and genuine.. Some people like these are just fairy-godmothers sent to you from the heaven above!  But my point remains.. what is it about friendship? About humans? About feelings that is so transparent even as we try to make it opaque. It scares me at times. Makes me feel I am lagging behind in that department coz I cant make out or pin point depressions of people for nuts! Even if I do, I am really weary of approaching them and talking to them about personal stuff coz I feel in such times you choose your aid very carefully espl when it comes to revealing the reason behind your moods. And I don’t think I’d fit in or deserve that role anyway and to top it all, people tend to get suspicious of you interfering and irritating.

 

But sigh. When friends do that to me, I feel special. I feel good. I feel there’s a ray of hope where in this noisy crabby world, a lot can still be felt and said without much effort J touchwood.

Hi god,

Life is so strange na? What you've planned with yourself, it never ever happens! all that ideal career and all that crap. Dream to work in a ideal company.. everything is just so superficial. it is born as a dream and it dies a dream. sometimes i just wonder wouldnt life be so better without dreams. dreams show you one way of going and life takes you the other way. dream tells you take a turn to the right while life makes you take a bloody left turn. There's so much discord between life and dreams. I wonder how people achieve their dreams?

 

I dunno what have i done. which turn have i taken. where am i going? how am i going to get there. is it right? is it wrong? I believe life is too short to regret. and good enough to make the right choices. And btw, what the hell am i writing out here? complete crap isnt it? sorry god, my dimag doesnt work nnw. really it doesnt. bye

take care

say hello to dada

Drash

 

 

 

 

 

There’s a lot, unsaid within me,

Every time I try to tell you,

You escape it so easily.

 

When I don’t expect, you make me do,

And make me feel so special,

I feel like a dream, so wonderful,

So happy and so real!

 

One moment, you understand me,

The next moment, you shut,

The doors that make me wanna come to you,

From the other side are locked.

 

You will never know how special you are,

I amnt a fool to tell,

This gap between us will remain filled,

With all those things unsaid…